The Great Outdoors
by Lone Wolfette
Summary: Could this be the camping trip from Hell???


****The Great Outdoors? 

  
**ONE**   
Laverne & Shirley's apartment, very early morning   
  
Laverne is in the living room, putting her clothes in her suitcase.   
  
"Laverne, who decided that you have to get up at four in the morning to go on a camping trip?" Shirley asked, coming in the room.   
  
"The earlier we leave, the earlier we get there. Besides, we gotta pick up Lauren at the bus depot," Laverne said, placing a stack of shirts in her suitcase.   
  
"I'm so glad Lauren's comin' with us... Maybe with the three of us, we can forget that the boys are comin' too," Shirley said, going back towards the bedroom.   
  
Laverne made a face. "How did we let them talk us into letting them come?"   
  
Shirley came back in the room. "How do we let them talk us into anything... the same answer: I don't know!" She looked around. "Now, where is my suitcase?"   
  
Laverne shook her head. "I dunno how I let you talk me into bringing suitcases... roughing it... HA!"   
  
Shirley pulled her suitcase out of the closet. "Oh, please, we're roughing it... the nearest ladies' room is a two-mile walk!"   
  
Laverne zipped up her suitcase. "Don't remind me! That's the worst part..."   
  
"Hey, girls? We goin' or what!?" Squiggy yelled from outside.   
  
Shirley flashed Laverne a look. "Are you sure that's the worst part?"   
  
Laverne thought, nodding her head left and right, weighing her options.   
  
"Oh, never mind! you'll hurt yourself trying to come up with an answer!" Shirley said, putting her pile of clothes in her suitcase. She zipped it up. "Let's just hurry and pick up Lauren."   
  
The girls grabbed their suitcases, a few other belongings, and left. 

  
**TWO**   
fifteen minutes later, at the bus depot   
  
Laverne and Shirley come in, looking around.   
  
Shirley pointed to her left. "There she is, the one laying across three chairs."   
  
They went over. Lauren was fast asleep.   
  
"So, how do we wake her up?" Shirley asked.   
  
"I know..." Laverne said, bending down near Lauren's ear, "Lenny."   
  
Lauren shot up. "Where!?" She looked around and saw the girls. "That's not very nice!"   
  
"C'mon, we got a camping trip to go on. Besides, we left the boys waiting in our car... I'm sure they've broken something by now," Laverne said.   
  
Lauren picked up her suitcase and the three girls left the bus depot. 

  
**THREE**   
three hours later, on the road   
  
Shirley is driving and Laverne is sitting in the passenger seat. In the back, Squiggy is trying to tune a hand-held radio, Lenny is taking pictures of everything that goes by, and Lauren is just sitting, and very bored.   
  
Laverne turned towards the back. "Can't you get anything in on that?"   
  
Squiggy shook the radio. "This thing don't work..."   
  
"Gimme it!" Lauren said, snatching it away. "You're s'posed to turn the dial to tune it, not shake it!" She turned the dial and, finally, they heard "Sh-Boom" clear as a bell.   
  
"See, Squig, you just hafta know what you're doin'," Lauren said.   
  
Squiggy grumbled. "Ain't it time we stopped for breakfast, yet?"   
  
Laverne looked down at her map. "There's a stop twenty-five miles away... that's the closest." She turned around to the back again. "I'd say we'd be there in a half an hour, but the way Shirl drives, we'll be lucky to get there in an hour!"   
  
"Laverne!" Shirley said, sternly. "Don't agitate the driver!" She paused, "Maybe we shoulda given you the camera... see how nice and quiet Lenny is."   
  
Laverne turned back to the front. "He won't be when he runs out of film," she paused and turned to Lauren. "Could ya give us a warning when he nears the end of the roll?"   
  
"Sure," Lauren answered.   
  
The next few minutes passed in silence.   
  
"Warning!" Lauren said, suddenly.   
  
Lenny snapped the last picture and clicked the button a couple of times to check. "I'm outta film!"   
  
"Uh oh," Laverne said.   
  
Lauren leaned forward, close to Laverne. "What do you mean, 'uh oh'?"   
  
Lenny put the camera on the floor and started trying to tickle Lauren.   
  
"Like I said, 'uh oh'," Laverne said.   
  
Lauren started laughing while trying to fight off Lenny. Finally, she grabbed a hold of his arm and gave him an Indian burn.   
  
"Ow!" Lenny said.   
  
Laverne looked at Shirley. "We taught her well!" 

  
**FOUR**   
two hours later   
  
Shirley is still driving and Laverne is in the passenger seat asleep. In the back, Squiggy is asleep and Lenny and Lauren are having a contest to see who can spot the most cars of a color of their choice.   
  
Lauren pointed to the left. "Ha! That's seven red cars!"   
  
Shirley looked at them briefly through the rear view mirror. "Hey, Len, did you count ours?"   
  
"That seven black cars!" Lenny exclaimed.   
  
Lauren crossed her arms. "I'm gettin' tired of this..."   
  
"Just don't start with the 'Are we there yet?' chant! Please!" Shirley said.   
  
"How 'bout ninety-nine bottles of beer?" Lenny asked.   
  
"To sing or drink?... No! Please... I don't feel like being tortured!" Lauren said.   
  
Lenny slumped down. "You're no fun,"   
  
Lauren glared at him. 

  
**FIVE**   
an hour later, at the campground   
  
The girls are getting settled into their camp site - two tents: one for the girls and one for the boys.   
  
Shirley put the last of her things in the tent. She tool in a breath of fresh air. "It's so beautiful... and there's no one else around."   
  
"...And the nearest real bathroom is two miles away," Laverne said, receiving a surprised look from Lauren.   
  
"They don't make it very easy for women to camp, do they? That musta been a guy's idea," Lauren said. She looked around. "That reminds me, where are the fellas?"   
  
"They're still trying to find ducks for their 'Greatest Show On Webbed Feet'," Laverne answered.   
  
"They did that the last time we went camping. They even had those duck puppets," Shirley added.   
  
"I'm sorry I asked now," Lauren said. "If we're lucky, they got lost and won't be back util just before we leave!"   
  
"Naw, I don't think we're that lucky," Laverne said. 

  
**SIX**   
nighttime   
  
The girls are sitting around their campfire.   
  
"Someone shoulda brought a deck of cards," Lauren complained.   
  
"I wonder where Lenny and Squiggy went to," Laverne said.   
  
Shirley stood up. "Will you two stop it! There's lots of things we an do. Like... and... then we could..." she paused, "you two are right, this is boring... I wonder what the boys are doing?" 

  
**SEVEN**   
the lake   
  
"We shoulda brought the tent, Squig," Lenny said, unrolling his sleeping bag.   
  
"Complain, complain..." Squiggy said, straightening out his sleeping bag.   
  
"We shoulda atleast told them we were here," Lenny said.   
  
Squiggy got into his sleeping bag. "Now, why'd we wanna do that?"   
  
Lenny was about to answer, but stopped when he heard Squiggy snore. "Well, atleast the girls'll be able to sleep," he whispered to himself. He rolled up the sleeping bag and headed back towards camp. 

  
**EIGHT**   
the camp site   
  
Laverne and Shirley are now asleep in one tent and Lauren is in the other.   
  
"I cannot believe how loud Laverne snores!" Lauren said to herself. She climbed into her sleeping bag.   
  
A few minutes later, there was a noise outside the tent. Lauren shot up. She got up and peeked out the opening of the tent. Seeing nothing suspicious, she stepped out and looked towards Laverne and Shirley's tent. She let out a sigh, then felt a tap on her shoulder.   
  
Lauren jumped and spun around. She slugged Lenny in the arm. "Don't do that! You scared me half to death!"   
  
Lenny giggled. "Sorry."   
  
"Where'd you and Squig go?" Lauren asked.   
  
"We went up to the lake," Lenny pointed to his right, "about half a mile that way."   
  
"A lake," Lauren said, unenthused.   
  
"You wanna see it..." Lenny started.   
  
"No, I'm perfectly fine with my feet on dry ground."   
  
"Awe, c'mon..." Lenny grabbed her arm and began pulling her.   
  
"Len, you don't seem to be listening to me, I don't wanna go," Lauren said, pulling out of his loose grip. She headed back toward the tent.   
  
Lenny snuck up behind, picked her up, and carried her all the way to the lake.   
  
He put her down.   
  
"Gee, thanks for the lift," Lauren said, rolling her eyes. "I thought you said you left Squig here?"   
  
Lenny looked around. "I thought so too... Maybe he went back toward camp."   
  
"That sounds like a good idea," Lauren said, turning. "Goodbye.   
  
Lenny came up from behind and picked her up again. This time she fought back.   
  
"You'd better not be thinking of throwing me in!" Lauren said, loudly.   
  
"One little dip?..." Lenny said.   
  
"Try one big dip... you!" Lauren said.   
  
"I'll bet it's five feet at the edge..." Lenny said.   
  
Lauren's eyes went wide. "Don't throw me in!"   
  
Lenny stopped. "Why not?"   
  
"I can't swim, you idiot!" Lauren answered. 

  
**NINE**   
morning, at the camp site   
  
Shirley came out of the tent. She took in a big breath of fresh air. "Oh, Laverne it's so beautiful out here... come on out."   
  
Laverne stepped out. "Hmm... yeah, I guess it is kinda beautiful."   
  
Squiggy came out of the other tent. "Hello."   
  
The girls screamed.   
  
"Where's Lauren?" Shirley asked.   
  
"How should I know? I couldn't even keep track of Lenny," Squiggy said.   
  
Suddenly, there was a sloshing noise.   
  
Lauren appeared from the path, soaking wet and fuming. "Anybody got a towel?"   
  
Laverne went into the tent and came back out with a towel and handed it to Lauren. "What happened?"   
  
Lauren began drying herself off. "Well, it started last night. I couldn't get to sleep because of your snoring..."   
  
"My snoring?!" Laverne exclaimed.   
  
"Don't interrupt," Lauren said. She continued, "Then I heard a noise outside so I decided to check it out. I went out and Lenny scared me half to death. He spent five minutes trying to talk me into goin' down to the lake, but I didn't want to. Finally, he picked me up and carried me all the way there..."   
  
Squiggy burst out laughing, then began applauding.   
  
"Shut up!" Lauren snapped. She continued, "We got to the lake and he wanted to throw me in. I swear I argued with him for fifteen minutes before he realized he couldn't hold me up anymore. Of course, I kept telling him that I can't swim, so what does he do, he drops me in the lake! Thankfully, it was only three feet..."   
  
"But why are you still wet if all this happened last night?" Shirley asked.   
  
"Well, after I did about three laps around the lake with Lenny chasing me, he gave up and left. Since he was gone, I stayed and slept at the lake. Unfortunately, my wake up alarm this morning was getting thrown in the lake again. I know Lenny did it, but I didn't actually see him. That's it," Lauren finished.   
  
"What you need is breakfast," Shirley said.   
  
"Lauren, com'ere," Laverne said, motioning for Lauren to follow her into the tent.   
  
The two went in and sat on the sleeping bags.   
  
"I don't wanna make ya angrier than you already are, but I thought you liked Lenny," Laverne said.   
  
Lauren thought for a few seconds. "I really did that first time I visited. But, I don't know if he was just being playful last night or what. Anyway, I didn't much appeciate getting thrown in the lake twice after I told him not to."   
  
Shirley poked her head in the tent. "Lauren," she whispered, "Lenny just got back."   
  
"I'm gonna get'im!" Lauren said. She jumped up, out of the tent, and ran straight towards Lenny, who had his back to her. She was about to jump on his back when he turned around. 

  
**TEN**   
later that morning   
  
Shirley is driving again, Laverne is in the passenger seat asleep, Lauren is now playing with the radio, Lenny is asleep, and Squiggy is staring at the passing sights.   
  
"I found a station on the way up... I hate this radio. It only works when it wants to," Lauren said. She put the radio down and sat back. She glanced over at Lenny and remembered that he said he didn't throw her in the lake the second time for fun.   
  
Earlier in the morning, as everyone was packing up, he said how he'd gone back to the lake figuring she was still there. She was - and so was a wild animal (Lenny didn't know what it was). He threw her in the lake and the splash scared off the animal. Lenny had probably just saved her life.   
  
Lauren turned her glance away from Lenny and stared out at the trees passing by. Just before she fell asleep, Lauren had one last thought: _what was Lenny gonna ask for in return?_

  
THE END :)~


End file.
